


Billion.  Dollar.  Prototype

by Batfink



Series: You'll Keep [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Apologies, Established Relationship, Explosions, Grand Gesture, Intervention, M/M, Making Up, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:38:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batfink/pseuds/Batfink
Summary: The Joker tilted his head.  “You're really mad about this, aren't you.”Batman glared at him.  “Billion.  Dollar.  Prototype.”





	Billion.  Dollar.  Prototype

“You going to the Gotham Summer Ball tomorrow?” Jack asked Bruce as Bruce was getting out of bed.

“Unfortunately, yes.” Bruce grumbled. “You?”

Jack grinned. “Thought I might stop by.”

Bruce huffed a laugh as he buttoned up his shirt. “I'll leave by 8. Don't arrive before 9. That should get you a few tennis bracelets before Batman shows up.” He smirked at Jack who was still lounging on the bed.

“Fine. Fine.” Jack sighed overly dramatically. “I suppose that will have to do.”

\--- 

The Joker and Batman were arguing the finer points of grand theft ballroom when a concussive boom rattled the windows. Batman cursed, what the Hell had the Joker done now.

“That's my cue to get going.” The Joker laughed as Batman turned and ran for the exit, wondering just where he was going to find the crater this time.

Never one to miss the reaction to his own explosions though, the Joker sneaked off and removed his make-up. Slipping into a police uniform he had stashed and pushing his green-blonde curls under an officer's cap, he made his way down to where Batman was standing, a horrified expression on his face.

“You blew up my CAR!” Batman exclaimed as Jack sauntered up beside him. The assembled cops oblivious to him in his disguise.

“I did you a favour, Batsy. That car was UUUUGGG-LEE!”

“That car...” Batman growled. “Was a billion dollar prototype. The most advanced tactical vehicle in existence.”

“Ugly.” The Joker nodded and Batman resisted the urge to punch him. Without the Joker get-up, it would have just looked liked Batman had started punching a cop. “What happened to your other one? You know, the one from when you were going through your Tim Burton phase?”

“That car is out of date tech.” Batman huffed.

“It goes doesn't it?” The Joker shrugged. “What more does it need to do?”

Batman rolled his eyes. “You wouldn't understand. I need reliable technology, even on the move.”

The Joker tilted his head. “You're really mad about this, aren't you.”

Batman glared at him. “Billion. Dollar. Prototype.”

“Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown-up the stupid car.” He smirked. “Shoulda seen your face though. Man, I wish I'd had a camera. Maybe there's a near-by security camera I can hack into.”

A muscle twitched in Batman's jaw as he clenched his teeth together. “You should leave now.” He said quietly. “Before I start punching you.”

The Joker chuckled. “Whatever you say, Batsy.” He turned and left, leaving Batman staring at the crater where the Tumbler used to be.

\--- 

The Joker was not a man who knew when to quit. Not a man who didn't take an opportunity to poke the bear when it was presented and therefore, where others may have seen the folly of it, he only saw amusement when the following day he emailed Bruce a security camera still of the look on Batman's face when he realised his Tumbler was gone.

Bruce threw his laptop across the penthouse, then grabbed up his electronic Batman cuff and stabbed angrily at the controls.

\--- 

Two days later, Jack appeared at the penthouse. He wasn't supposed to ever come to the penthouse. Bruce still had his playboy reputation to protect after all. It was only for this reason, that Bruce opened the door to him. He couldn't have Jack causing a scene in the building.

“You changed the elevator code at the hotel.” Jack announced as Bruce opened the door. “You de-activated my key-card too.” Jack pouted.

“I was hoping you would take a hint.” Bruce growled.

This was new territory. Jack was used to Batman being angry with the Joker, but this was bleed-over. Bruce was angry with Jack now. “I said I was sorry.” He huffed.

“Sorry doesn't get me a new Tumbler.” Bruce replied.

“Would a blow-job help?” Jack enquired. Bruce didn't answer, he just closed the door.

\--- 

Batman was ignoring the Joker. He robbed a jewellery store. No Batman. He blew up a school, empty but still. No Batman.

He arrived back at his lair a week later to find the Penguin, Riddler, Two-face and Harley all waiting for him. Even Catwoman was skulking in the background.

“What the hell is this?” He asked throwing himself down in his favourite chair.

“An intervention.” Penguin declared gesturing at the Joker with his umbrella.

“A what now?” The Joker asked. “I'm not an addict.”

“Oh but your are.” Harley replied. “You're not getting your Bat fix and the rest of us are having to suffer for it.”

“He may be ignoring you.” Catwoman added, stalking closer to the group. “But he's doubling down on the rest of us.”

“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” The Joker huffed. “I already tried apologising.”

“Apologise again.” Harley told him.

“Kill him.” The Penguin countered.

“Either or.” Two-face shrugged. 

“You need a grand gesture.” Catwoman mused. “Something selfless to make up for what you did.”

The Joker thought for a moment. “Well, there is something, I suppose. It'll cost us though.” He turned to look at his fellow villains. “Would you mind taking a financial hit for the greater good?”

“Whatever it takes to get Batman off my back.” The Penguin huffed.

“How much of a hit?” The Riddler asked.

“Whatever.” Two-face shrugged.

The Joker turned to stare at Two-face confused. “What's up with him?” He asked the others.

“Batman took his coin.” Harley told him. “Now he can't make decisions.”

The Joker clapped a gloved hand to his face. “Crap.” He muttered. “I'll fix this, okay.”

As the others left, the Joker set about arranging his grand gesture to try to make amends with Batman.

\--- 

Naturally, Batman would not come if he knew the Joker was involved, so the Riddler agreed to create enough of a scene to lure Batman out.

Batman crept into the warehouse, looking for any sign of the green enigma. What he found instead was a huge block of cash. Confused and suspicious, he approached the pallets loaded with large piles of notes.

“Present for you.” The Joker announced appearing behind him and Batman turned to glare at him.

“What the... where did you get all this cash?” Batman demanded.

The Joker grinned. “Ever heard of the Nash syndicate?”

“They're a drug cartel, operate out of New York city.” Batman replied.

“They do.” The Joker nodded. “Did you also hear they tried to move into Gotham a few months back?”

Batman frowned. He hadn't heard that.

“Didn't think so.” The Joker chuckled. “The Penguin and I, we took care of them. Seized this little pile in the process.”

“And?” Batman asked. “You lured me here to what? Show off about your disposable income?”

“No, Batsy.” The Joker scowled. “I brought you here to give it to you.” He held his arms wide. “I'm very sorry about your _::cough::_ ugly _::cough, cough::_ car. I shouldn't have blown it up.”

Batman turned back to eye the pile of cash. There must be several million dollars there. Not enough to buy a new tumbler, but maybe enough to help re-build the school. “What's the catch?”

“No catch.” The Joker shrugged. “Although, if you can't forgive me, could you at least give Harvey his stupid coin back? He's an absolute nightmare to get to do anything without it.”

Batman chuckled at that and after reaching into a pouch on his utility belt, he flicked the coin over to the Joker.

“Thanks.” The Joker smiled, pocketing the coin. He edged closer to Batman. “So how about it. Am I forgiven?”

Batman glanced quickly around before reaching up and pulling off his cowl. “I hate you.” He growled. Stepping closer to the Joker.

“I hate you more.” The Joker grinned, closing the distance between them.

“I hate you the most.” Batman huffed and before the Joker could counter again, he grabbed his arm and pulled him into a heated kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this part has been rattling around in my head for almost four years. So glad to have finally crow-barred it out of there and onto the page.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Billion. Dollar. Prototype 中文版](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14861111) by [Raven_of_Silence_has_already_been_taken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_of_Silence_has_already_been_taken/pseuds/Raven_of_Silence_has_already_been_taken)




End file.
